I know you’re struggling to make ends meet. You may be thinking, "I'm really broke and my family is suffering, so maybe I should just give in and sell my soul to Satan."

Stop! Whatever you do, DO NOT sell your soul to the devil now. It’s a quick fix, but you have to remember that recessions are Satan’s busiest time. With soul prices at an all time low you’ll get a horrible deal.

For example, former US President Roosevelt sold his soul during the great depression, whereas Hugh Hefner held out until the 1950's golden age upswing. Ask yourself: Would you rather be crippled by polio or exhausted from an orgy?

Remember, no matter how bad things get during this recession – if you hold out Satan will eventually give you a deal that makes up for it. If you lose your job you'll get a media empire. If your wife leaves you she'll come back fully botoxed with a boob job. If your daughter dies she'll be resurrected as zombie-daughter – cause that's just good recessonomics.