Now when writing anything about religion, this is the part of the article where the author will write a disclaimer saying that the views and opinions expressed...blah, blah. Well guess what? In this blog I am going to make a lot of relgious references and chances are if your skin is as thin as Calista Flockhart's, guess what? You may get somewhat offended. But if you think I'm going to write a politically correct statement about religion and change the words CHRISTmas, then you're reading the wrong blog.



For the uninitiated out there, that have no idea why they had a long weekend, let me give a little 4-1-1 here. Friday was marked "Good Friday" as it represents the death of Jesus on the cross. You see Jesus was doing a lot of crazy stuff back in the day like turning water into wine, walking on water and upsetting the reigning government comprised of King Herod and his right hand man Pontius Pilate.



OKAY... OKAY.. getting lost? Let's transform this to "24" speak. Jesus was kind of like Jack Bauer, in that he rebelled against the authority (President Logan = Herod and Pilate would be Mike Novic) but he always did it for a good cause and had the right intentions in mind. However, the authority was starting to look bad and they captured jesus and put him through the 7 stations of the cross (where Jesus lugged a giant cross from station to station as a torture test of sorts). It ended with Jesus being nailed to the cross and dying on the cross (trivia note was that Jesus died along with 2 other men, who were other criminals accused of murder and theft).



It looked like the end for the Saviour, but only 2 days later Jesus rose from the dead and that in a nutshell (or a tomb) is why we celebrate Easter.

But so often it is Jesus that gets the bulk of the publicity, he's the one they make action figures out of, get cast in Kevin Smith movies and are thanked by musicians at the Grammy's.



But hey, the bible is a big book folks and here is a little info on the some of the members of the "Forgotten" testament:

NOAH
You know when you're leaving work and it's pouring rain? Yeah, you're pissed. Imagine having to deal with a 40 day flood like Noah had to? Not only that but the whole town thought this guy was nuts (read: the crazy neighbour who planned for the millennium) but in this case it wasn't a dungeon in the ground, but a giant arc (let's just call it a ship, maybe a cruise line? No one calls the Titantic a poorly built arc). What is an arc anyway?



I'm getting off topic, everyone thought Noah was crazy but then it rained and it rained and Noah not only had to rely on his cruise ship, but then had to find not 1, but 2 OF EVERY ANIMAL!! Are you crazy? And the man still found all of them and boarded them on the ship.

ABRAHAM
This guy was insane. Abraham was married to Sarah and the two had a child named Issac. Abraham dedicated his entire life to God and what did God ask in return? He comes to Abraham and asks him to sacrifice his own son!! WHAT?? Okay clearly Abraham explained his son in his blood, he could not possibly...



Abraham offered his son up to the Lord and then at the last second, God said "Man I'm just playing with ya". So if anyone has taken score here, God flooded the entire world and then asked his most loyal follower to murder his son. God sure was angry in the Old Testament.

JOSEPH



Joseph was the grandson of Issac and son of Jacob. He was one of 7 brothers and was a strong follower of God. So what did Joseph get for his troubles? Other than a technicolor dream coat, he was sold off by his brothers as a slave to Egypt. It's okay though as he worked his way up the ranks and ended up ruling Egypt...and of course he forgave his brothers. You know what? Joseph should have said "Fuck you" to those ungrateful bastards, THEY FUCKING SOLD YOU TO SLAVE TRADERS!

JUDAS



We'll finish off with the man who just turned babyface this past week. For centuries, Judas was considered the ultimate traitor for turning Jesus into authorities (think of Audrey Raines for signing that document on "24" last week, but she did it for the good of Jack). It was revealed this week that Judas was following the orders of Jesus and was actually a hero and not a villain.

Well I hope that I have "shed some light" on some of the forgotten heroes of the book!

Happy Easter!
JoPo
JOPO