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MARCH 2006
PROCRASTINATION STATION: T-dot!
March 31, 2006 - 5:05 pm
15:01: SWEET HOME... CHICAGO?
March 31, 2006 - 12:42 pm
KRYSTAL KLEAR: Reham
March 30, 2006 - 9:19 am
GOOD & BAD... Independent Ugly
March 30, 2006 - 9:04 am
CYBER JOCK - Electric Slide
March 28, 2006 - 9:28 am
Movie Minx: Thankyou for ... Inside Man
March 27, 2006 - 11:49 am
Dear BITE Babe... Does Size Matter?
March 26, 2006 - 10:24 am
15:01: WHAT CHA GONNA DO BROTHER?
March 24, 2006 - 10:43 am
KRYSTAL KLEAR: fanz!
March 24, 2006 - 10:02 am
EJAY: I (don't) WANT MY MTV (canada)
March 22, 2006 - 10:41 am
GOOD & BAD... music
March 22, 2006 - 10:33 am
E-JAY: And another fan...
March 21, 2006 - 9:22 am
CYBER JOCK - bye bye TV
March 21, 2006 - 8:29 am
EJAY: A Fan of Mista MO!
March 20, 2006 - 3:36 pm
Dear BITE BABE: Three's Company!
March 19, 2006 - 1:14 pm
WEB WATCH: SCARFACE in 90 seconds!
March 19, 2006 - 1:07 pm
PROCRASTINATION STATION:
March 18, 2006 - 9:32 am
15:01: THE HOLIDAY WITH A BUILT IN EXCUSE
March 16, 2006 - 10:27 am
KRYSTAL KLEAR: What's in a blog?
March 16, 2006 - 9:10 am
MOVIE MINX: The Matador
March 15, 2006 - 11:06 am
GOOD & BAD...
March 15, 2006 - 10:57 am
WEBWATCH: The Big Hebowski
March 15, 2006 - 8:59 am
EJAY: "I Guess You'll Do"
March 14, 2006 - 10:31 am
CYBER JOCK: The Ultra Mobile PC
March 14, 2006 - 9:16 am
BITE RADIO 025: Assaholics!
March 13, 2006 - 3:09 pm
Dear BITE Babe: Ashley Madison?
March 10, 2006 - 4:04 pm
PROCRASTINATION STATION: midterms?
March 10, 2006 - 3:46 pm
KRYSTAL KLEAR: CMW!
March 09, 2006 - 2:46 pm
GOOD & BAD: ... everybody loves lists!
March 08, 2006 - 9:15 pm
CYBER JOCK: More on Oscar...
March 07, 2006 - 12:06 am
BITE RADIO 024: The Guestless Show
March 06, 2006 - 12:11 pm
MOVIE MINX: And the winner is...
March 06, 2006 - 11:40 am
PROCRASTINATION STATION: Guess who?
March 04, 2006 - 4:38 pm
15:01: TOO MUCH FOR JUST 1 WEEK
March 03, 2006 - 4:41 pm
KRYSTAL KLEAR: Everything at Once
March 02, 2006 - 3:01 pm
WEB WATCH: Escalator Jump!
March 02, 2006 - 11:42 am
GOOD & BAD: A theme...
March 01, 2006 - 9:29 am
THE BITE BLOG
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15:01: SWEET HOME... CHICAGO?
Published by MasterBiter on March 31, 2006 at: 12:42 pm (1443 days ago)
TheJoPo.jpg

As I mentioned last week, BITE has sent me to Chicago this week to truly capture the feel and the vibe of one of the major cities from our Southern neighbor. It's only Friday and I've already been here 24 hours and quite frankly this is not the trip I was envisioning:

THURSDAY MARCH 30TH

8:04am: I arrived at the border and let's just say that the border patrol doesn't have the sense of humor I was envisioning. I guess saying "I'm a tourist" really fast gets them a little jumpy.

ARMY.jpg

9:15am: "Oh you said TOURIST... you asshole". After narrowly escaping a one way trip to Guantonimo Bay, I proceeded south of the border in search of the Windy city. I didn’t know a lot about Chicago but I'm sure I could navigate my way through the U.S with my quick wit and undeniable charm.

2:13pm: Christ this is a long ride. After hitting the Illinois border, I was about to pull to the side of the road for a straggler when I realized that the straggler was none other than George Wendt! This was awesome, an actual piece of Chicago culture in MY SMART CAR!!

wendt.jpg

smartcar.jpg

2:14pm: I couldn't resist any longer! "So George, who do you have favored to win the Super Bowl next year?"

2:15pm: Da Packers?

3:11pm: Entering downtown Chicago, man their "Second City" should be
re-named "Second Rate", what a dump. What kind of cowboy is running that place?

3:29pm: I went to check into my motel, when the woman at the front desk came me a letter: "Dear JOPO... HA, Ha... e-jay". Son of a bitch! Well the smart car is going to have to do, but in the meantime, I have research to do!!

4:40pm: Man I can't believe I'm here for a live taping of the Oprah Winfrey show! Not a lot of sausage here, except for me and the guy next to me.

oprah.jpg

4:45pm: Buddy wasn't a buddy. Who knew rugby was such a big hit here in Chi-town?

4:48pm: Oprah is large

5:04pm: I WON A FUCKING CAR!!!

5:06pm: never mind

5:28pm: No joke, there are no male urinals in this own building.

6:02pm: Perfect just enough time before the Bulls game tonight to grab some food. I'm here at Champs Sports Bar. Is that Scottie Pippen? I don't see Michael's bags so I’m guessing not.

pippenmj.jpg

6:45pm: I'm waiting for the game to start and I'm reading about a recent href=http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=local&id=4018862>local
event. "Dancing with the Chicago Celebrities", an event that featured NO CHICAGO CELEBRITIES. I think this author picked the wrong vacation spot.

7:40pm: The Bulls are losing to the ATLANTA HAWKS! This team sucks, I
thought the Raptors had the market cornered for having 5 guys that suck. Tyson Chandler? Big deal.

8:20pm: I couldn't sit through another second of that crap. I'm hitting the drinks early, this city is not exactly what it's been cracked up to be.

9:00pm: Chicago is famous for their pizza, unfortunately I am lost in
downtown Chicago. I'm a little scared right now.

9:07pm: WHY AM I IN CHICAGO???

9:37pm: So apparently the Chicago White Sox are a big deal here because the won the World Series last year. I informed the local patrons at this establishment that any team in baseball can win with enough steroids. Besides has Chicago won the World Series two years in a row?

9:50pm: Turns out my not so good pals Frank Thomas and Ozzie Guillen were at this same bar and took exception to my comments. Unfortunately for me Thomas' nickname is "The Big Hurt" and after he slammed me through some tables, Guillen hit me with a CHAIR!! (this reminds me of the time href=http://youtube.com/watch?v=mj50-Iy2GCk&search=ozzie%20guillen>I was a moonlighting pro wrestler and tried out for the White Sox training camp. I hate this city.

10:30pm: After my attack by the White Sox, I was immediately rushed to the hospital. This would have been quicker, but they asked for my Visa when I got to the hospital and I said "My Visa?? What for... OHH... OHHH, God bless America".

healthcard.gif

10:41pm: I was scheduled for surgery as Guillen cracked open the back of my head, but who cares. My surgeon is MANNY PATINKEN!! This is just like…no it is "Chicago Hope". Wait a minute, didn’t Patinken also star on "Homicide"???

hope.bmp

10:58pm: Is that Hector Elizondo?

11:12pm: So your show got cancelled?

11:30pm: I am now outside in the cold Chicago rain with a wound on the back of my head and was told my Manny Patinken to get out of his O.R or he'd use his scalpel the wrong way. Hey Manny, there's a reason "E.R" lasted longer. Hell you could watch “Grey’s Anatomy” to see how a real hospital runs on TV! I love you Ellen Pompeo (but forget about Derek, he's a douche).

ellenpompeo.jpg

12:40am: Where's my car?

cargone.jpg

2:45am: I am now sitting on a street, I just want to go home. Who's this fat guy coming to sit next to me?

12:50am: This dude won't shut up.

1:00am: Listen, I just want to leave this city and go home to Chicago. I appreciate your company but really, I've had a terrible time in this mistake of a city.

1:04am: Now I am not a pessimist, this city just isn’t…Toronto.

1:07am: He's not leaving, he's critiquing my entire day and what I could have done better and how it really tells a story and is a feel good tale. (I think he’s drunk).

1:10am: What's he doing with his thumbs?

1:11am: HOLY SHIT IT'S...

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1:40am: I've lost my car, I have a wound on the back of my head, I have nothing to say about Chicago other than the fact that Robert Ebert should not be allowed to run freely past a certain hour. Folks, if you want to "know" Chicago, listen to the album!! I'm coming home.

home.jpg

JOPO

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