PART 1 OF A 2 PART SERIES

In the short little while of doing this little blog entry every week, I've attempted to take my magnifying glass and bring into focus, the so called celebrities that require all eyes to be squinted to even remember.

The U.S. pioneered a factory in the late '90s that became a breeding ground for these pseudo celebrities to get their 15 minutes. That factory is called "Reality Television".

No show set this phenomenon more into orbit than "Survivor", the brainchild of Mark Burnett that swept the nation in 2000 and created instant stardom for a dozen everyday people that lasted about as long as an immunity challenge.



As "Survivor" prepares for yet another incarnation this Thursday night, we brace ourselves for yet another cast of nobodies that will become the focus of CBS for 12-weeks and then make the complete cycle back into nobodies 12-weeks after that. It's what I refer to as "The 24 week Jopo Make a Star" campaign.

This week we take an in-depth look at the "Survivor" lineup. This time kids we're heading to Guatemala!! Personally I would like to see the downtown Detroit version of this show. So here is the Jopo's preview of "Survivor 145: Guatemala"... and unlike the show, we feature first AND LAST names! I'm so sick of these reality shows referring to people by their first name, like they're my friend at the local cafe and I'm having a latte with them. It's like a big deal now during the finale when they announce their last name.


Here we go, the cast of "Survivor: Guatemala":

AMY 0'HARA
39 YEARS OLD
WHITE FEMALE (keep track of this category)

A police sergeant out of Massachusetts, O'Hara is playing the role of the hard-ass androgynous character. She lifts weights, plays football and is a cop... Can you style clash with the bimbo squad? I give her a few weeks at best before she complains about doing all the work and is voted off for having a 'negative attitude' that affects the chi of the tribe.


BLAKE TOWSLEY
24 YEARS OLD
WHITE MALE (pay attention)

Blake is a commercial real estate broker ~SLASH~ model (ie: my job sucks and I'm hanging onto hope). Typical A1 jock, the guy admits his hobbies include a) kissing b) watching NASCAR and c) Hunting quail (????)

Door knob... Out Week 6, only because he can win some challenges.


BRANDON BELLINGER
AGE 22
WHITE MALE

He is the redneck stereotype character. Bellinger is not only a farmer but is also a rancher (what the hell is the difference?).

This moron once climbed a radio tower to conquer his fear of heights. I don't know what's more surprising, that he climbed a radio tower or that there's a radio station in his hometown of Manhatten... KANSAS! I hope he brought Toto as his luxury item because based on his bio, this guy is nuts and no one's gonna hang out with this dude.


BRIAN CORRIDAN
AGE 22
WHITE MALE

This guy is an Ivy league student out of New York, who is obsessed with "Survivor" and has written psychology papers about the show. He's my early pick. Hopefully you get the New York attitude with the Ivy league snobbery and we may have an early favorite for this show.

Total nerd alert tho…


BRIANNA VARELA
AGE 21
WHITE FEMALE (are you still watching this trend?)

She's a former cheerleader and has a cat named "Kitty"... Dare I say more?


BROOK STRUCK
AGE 26
WHITE FEMALE

Besides having the coolest name of the cast, Struck is also a law student and SINGLE!! Her resume is so impressive I don't even have a smart ass - seems to have both, the smarts and the ass.


CINDY HALL
AGE 31
WHITE FEMALE

Hall is a zookeeper and seems to be the crazy vegan type. Nice cause and all (though I can't possibly relate) but on a show where you have to kill living things to last, I don't see her lasting. There's always one of these PETA types (which is a bogus organization, but that's another rant) and she seems to fit the bill for this season.


DANNI BOATWRIGHT
AGE 30
WHITE FEMALE (quite a diverse crowd)

From Tonganoxie, Kansas (maybe she knows Brandon) and smoking hot. Not only was she in the Miss USA contest a decade ago, but she's a big sports jock and even did a show on ESPN Radio. Providing she isn't an offshoot of Chris Berman, she's another one that could last.


GARY HOGEBOOM
AGE 47
WHITE MALE



It's senior jock. Hogeboom is a former NFL player with the Dallas Cowboys, Indianapolis Colts and Arizona Cardinals. If Burnett was going to go for the celebrity athlete tie in, why use this guy? I'll admit the NFL is about as much a priority to me as washing my non existent car but c'mon, use someone who at least has some resonance with a casual audience.


JAMIE NEWTON
AGE 24
GUESS WHAT??? WHITE MALE

Newton lives in North Hollywood and contributes to the workforce by way of water ski instructing. Dude... that's heavy.

15:00? This guy will be happy if he gets 10:40 less than that.


JIM LYNCH
AGE 63
OLD WHITE MALE

Lynch is the ongoing stereotype every single season. He's an old ex army, or in this case ex marine, who doesn't understand the youth of today, hard nosed Republican but is loveable due to being such a grumpy old man.

He'll last out of sympathy until the mid point and then get booted.


JUDD SERGEANT IV
AGE 34
WHITE MALE

What the hell kind of name is that? You don't add a number like an aristocrat to a name like "Judd". He says his biggest asset is to "see through people" very quickly. That's all well and good but for a guy this size, the first challenge may be to try and see AROUND this guy. He's a big guy ladies... and it gets cold on the island.


MARGARET BOBONICH
AGE 43
WHITE FEMALE

The everyday Mom that can do it all and what an inspiration she is to women everywhere. Haven't I seen this show already?


MORGAN McDEVITT
AGE 21
WHITE FEMALE

I love this girl, she is going to be the she devil of the group - she’s hot and she's a bitch. But best of all... SHE'S A MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT!!!

That is honest to God her profession. She's not even THE magician but his assistant. What does that entail?

If she can fly under the radar and avoid the physical challenges she'll be able to go deep in this contest OR much like her regular job, she'll disappear very quickly.


RAFE JUDKINS
AGE 22
WHITE MALE

WTF? 2 Ivy League students? He's a Mormon and has 60 first cousins. I wonder how many Moms he has?

If your tribe is a like a family, he may be in love. I like the other Ivy leaguer better.


AND FINALLY...

LYDIA MORALES
AGE 42
PUERTO RICAN WOMAN!!!!!!!!!

That's right, of the entire cast this year there is 1 minority on the show! Born in Japan and an army brat, Morales work at a Seafood company in Washington.

There's your preview folks. They'll all be forgotten in a few months. Next week we take a look at "Survivor" burnouts.

jopo