Steps to Planning a Great Office
1) Watch Your Language
Donâ€™t call it a Christmas party. Itâ€™s a Holiday Celebration, or a Festive Gathering or a Winter Activity containing some-but-not-an-excessive-amount of Merriment.
2) Shop Around
Approach as many nearby hotels as possible about renting their ballrooms for the celebration. In an effort to lure you in they will often bring cookies right to your office cubicle!
3) This Ain’t A Slumber Party
Under no circumstance should you actually book the venue at a hotel. (Remember, the only goal in approaching them was for the cookies.) Hotels mean overnight stays, which means spending that much extra time with your work colleagues. And nobody likes where that ends up!
4) Think Sexy
Book a venue just sexy enough that your co-workers wonâ€™t be inclined to bring their children and yet not so sexy that Jorge from the mail room will try to court you all night in his native Spanish.
5) Steal Presents
Organize a â€œSecret Santaâ€ â€“ you know, the one where you either get to pick a surprise gift, or steal a gift from someone who already chose a gift? Because nothing says â€œthe spirit of the Holidaysâ€ like stealing Karen from HRâ€™s cheese knife set! Take that, Karen.
6) Make Like Swayze
Ensure there is a dance floor available so that you may observe several of your co-workers trying desperately to cling to a youth that has long since waved good bye to them. Also, holding a â€œWhose arms are the flabbiest?â€ contest is always a sure-fire hit!
7) Force People To Dress Up
Have a theme party! In addition to it already having the theme of â€œModerate holiday merrimentâ€ such as; the ugly sweater party, the Christmas cookie exchange or better yet, the Chess party, where everyone dresses like their favourite Chess piece, and engage in a real-life Chess gameâ€¦ But actually, only the boss dresses up like the King and the rest of you dress like the lowly peons you are! Except Karen, she can be a knight, for obvious reasons.
8) Limit Food Options
Just serve breadâ€¦ or bacon. Only one or the other though, not both.
9) Spot The Noob
Have the boss hand-deliver a special gift to the newest employee on the team just to see if heâ€™s able to pick out his face from the crowd.
10) Pictures Are Power
Get one of those photo booths to see how many incriminating photos you can take of co-workers that you can later use as blackmail to get you out of tight work-related situations (ie. Like not showing up for work one day because you woke up drunk and in Mexico somehow. Good thing you have those photos of Thomas and Sonya! Right?!? Right!?!)