Top 10 New Ways To Have Fun With Snow

November 7th, 2012

You’re probably pretty bored of snowball fights, forts and the like. You’re looking for a new way to enjoy stupid-ass winter. Here are 10 ways you’ve probably never thought of to take advantage of a snowy day.

10. Bullying

There are many useful ways to employ snow in the art of bullying. For example, packing ice balls, snow jobs down the back of someone’s jacket, and the perennial favourite, peeing in some snow and making your friend a sociopathic snow cone.

9. Deny Global Warming

Do your best impression of a moron by walking up to a scientist, shoving a handful of snow in his or her face and loudly asking, “If Global Warming’s a thing, explain this, you son of a bitch!” They will try to explain, but oops – too late! Now you’re rubbing snow up on their egghead face. Boom! You: one, science: zero!

8. Hiding Edward from Twilight

Every once in awhile you need to get movie stars from point A to point B. A good snow covering will help you pass by unnoticed while you escort Edward from Twilight. Just make sure to strip him naked first.

7. Sounding Jamaican and singing songs

Thornhill, Ontario native Snow managed to squeeze out a little track called “Enformer”, about his imaginary days as a drug dealer.

6. Building a snow penis

Educate your family and friends on the details of the male body by building an over-sized dong out of snow. Your neighbours will thank you for it!

5. Life-sized snow globe

Construct a giant glass dome, then fit it around your neighbour’s house. Then get one of those snow makers they use on ski hills and make your own snow globe. Yes, it will be a bit pricey, but what else are you going to spend your paycheck on – food?

4. Smother your enemies

Dig a big hole, then tell your enemy it’s a fort. Once they’re inside, go ahead and roll a big snowball on top of them. Yes it’s murder, but murder on layaway. You won’t have to explain the body until spring!

3. Human Bowling

Find a hill, get a crazy carpet, and convince 15 of your friends to stand at the bottom (or trick them by saying you’re going to take a photo). Then charge down the hill and see how many you can knock over. They’ll love you for it.

2. Nature’s cooler

Check it: Snow is cold. Beer is delicious. Keep your beer in the snow and have drinks while you dick around, you winner!

1. Solve crimes

You can easily drop an afternoon meticulously re-creating famous whodunits, like the Kennedy Assassination, using snowmen. Get to the bottom of these unsolved mysteries with the help of frozen water!