You’re probably pretty bored of snowball fights, forts and the like. You’re looking for a new way to enjoy stupid-ass winter. Here are 10 ways you’ve probably never thought of to take advantage of a snowy day.
There are many useful ways to employ snow in the art of bullying. For example, packing ice balls, snow jobs down the back of someone’s jacket, and the perennial favourite, peeing in some snow and making your friend a sociopathic snow cone.
9. Deny Global Warming
Do your best impression of a moron by walking up to a scientist, shoving a handful of snow in his or her face and loudly asking, “If Global Warming’s a thing, explain this, you son of a bitch!” They will try to explain, but oops – too late! Now you’re rubbing snow up on their egghead face. Boom! You: one, science: zero!
8. Hiding Edward from Twilight
Every once in awhile you need to get movie stars from point A to point B. A good snow covering will help you pass by unnoticed while you escort Edward from Twilight. Just make sure to strip him naked first.
7. Sounding Jamaican and singing songs
6. Building a snow penis
5. Life-sized snow globe
Construct a giant glass dome, then fit it around your neighbour’s house. Then get one of those snow makers they use on ski hills and make your own snow globe. Yes, it will be a bit pricey, but what else are you going to spend your paycheck on – food?
4. Smother your enemies
Dig a big hole, then tell your enemy it’s a fort. Once they’re inside, go ahead and roll a big snowball on top of them. Yes it’s murder, but murder on layaway. You won’t have to explain the body until spring!
3. Human Bowling
Find a hill, get a crazy carpet, and convince 15 of your friends to stand at the bottom (or trick them by saying you’re going to take a photo). Then charge down the hill and see how many you can knock over. They’ll love you for it.