Google Goggles Revealed, Part of Mandate to Produce Only Goofy-Sounding Products

April 5th, 2012

Google shocked the world this week with their announcement of “Google Goggles,” a device that allows users to wear technology on their face. In a press release, Google stated that with unprecedented levels of financial freedom, the high-tech corporation has enough money to finally start following their original mandate, which is to create products with goofy alliteration-style names.

“We’ve pretty much dominated and improved every aspect of useful information technology,” said CEO Mark Dingle. “Google search was revolutionary, of course, and Google Maps pretty much blew everyone out of the water.”

“Don’t get me started on the wild success of Google+,” added Dingle. “I think like a hundred people are on there now, including my bud Josh, whose indie band is a pretty big deal.”

Dingle went on to name-drop some upcoming projects that eschew usefulness in favour of goofy names that are fun to say out loud. Projects such as:

– An internet-enabled baby monitor: Google GaGa
– A range of silicon-based turkey products: Gobbledy Google
– A series of stand-up comedy chains run by robots, for robots: Google Giggles
– A flock of Geese with Android capabilities: Google Gaggle
– A crazy robot that eats cans and was in Predator 2: Google Busey
– A special app that allows users to access a second, deeper, inception-style search engine from Google: Google Google
– A sequel to the successful Back to the Future films: Dr. Google and Garty Go Gack in Gime to Google the Goonies
– A canned spaghetti product that tastes like pears: Oodles of Google
– A television show that encourages misogyny and illiteracy: Two and a Half Men