Lousy Smarch Weather: 10 Simpsons Weather Phenomenoms
March 2nd, 2012
It’s Smarch. Smarch is here. The weather is lousy, but it’s no longer February, so no matter how much it snows or how quickly Groundskeeper Willy succumbs to a fiery demise, Smarch trumps its predecessor. So in celebration of Smarch (and as an excuse for us to write about The Simpsons), here are 10 examples of weather in Springfield because you deserve it.
10. Lousy Smarch Weather
What kind of Smarch list would it be if we didn’t include the most pivotal moment in Simpsons climate history? Smarch, Smarch, Smarch all the way to the bank. The 13th month in a long line of months. Sounds pretty lucky and/or like the greatest month to ever not exist.
9. Godzilla-Related Turbulence
According to this Simpsons post, Japan is kind of located within Springfield because otherwise this wouldn’t really apply. But good news: It does. And when the family experiences Godzilla-related turbulence, WE ALL DO. Each and every one of us.
8. Heatwave the First
In quite possibly the greatest parenting move by any television dad in history, Homer makes a choice between eternal frigidity and buying Lisa her first official saxophone. Heatwaves have never seemed so heartwarming, so terrible or so appropriate for a contemporary jazz soundtrack. (Kenny G must be turning over in his grave.)
7. Heatwave the Second
But years after that first fateful heatwave, Springfield melted down once more (but not literally – because that was the episode in which Homer got fat and fell into the towers, don’t think we would ever confuse “melt down” for “meltdown”) and on the back of a truck, salvation arrived, bringing with it the plot line of Rear Window and a bigger story about a pool. “A human head” indeed. (…What?)
6. Mr. Burn’s Sun Block
You can call it a weather phenomenon, you can call it a climate change, but you can’t call us out on Mr. Burns’ sun-blocker not being an actual weather thing. For argument’s sake, we can say that The Simpsons foreshadowed climate change. If anything, Burns was thinking ahead of the curb, trying to save Springfield from Global Warming by blocking out the Sun completely.
5. The Flood
The importance of capri pants was never so dire as Springfield’s dam faltered and released apocalyptic levels of water upon the town. The big lesson: Sideshow Bob is a decent man. The bigger lesson: Do not doubt Millhouse’s fashion sense.
4. The Sinkhole
You may see quicksand as a cheap plot device of The Three Stooges (THE ONLY ONE, we should add), but it means much more to Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie who escaped into another realm through a sand box that put our elementary schools’ to shame. Likely the product of Mr. Burns climate-tinkering, obviously. Or so we tell ourselves, justifying several hours of Simpsons marathon-watching.
3. The Blizzard
First, there was the threat of the snowstorm. Then, there was the actual one. Then, there was a snowstorm montage we’d never forget. A snowstorm so great that Bart was given one extra day to not fail a test and to work harder than anyone has ever worked in their lives. And because of that, parents everywhere began using snow days as an excuse to make kids do their homework. Damn you, snow. Damn you indeed.
2. Acid Rain
Clearly the only pitfall of living near a nuclear power plant, Springfield endured its share of damaging rain showers that may or may not have left its children straight trippin’ (boo). Cancer-causing agents never seemed so sweet.