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Has-Been Really Ticked With Newt Gingrich Over Use Of Old Song

February 1st, 2012

The has-been community was up in arms this week at the latest unauthorized use of a song nobody cares about anymore.  Frankie Sullivan, a founding member of the defunct band Survivor, sued Republican politician Newt Gingrich for using their old-as-hell single Eye of the Tiger as entrance music in his campaign speeches.

The song, which rose to brief fame as part of the Rocky III soundtrack, is used today mainly to encourage old people to dance at weddings.

When asked whether his decision to sue was a result of dissatisfaction with the conservative Republican’s platform, Sullivan revealed himself to be heart-breakingly delusional:

“My legacy, my life, has been Eye of the Tiger,” he related to a Chicago Sun-Times reporter.  “Those copyright laws are there to protect people like me who are lucky enough to create a copyright. Eye of the Tiger is an iconic copyright. It’s become a lifelong legacy — something you want to pass down to your kids.”

This leaves a smart-ass with many questions:

- Why is this man using the words “legacy” and “Eye of the Tiger” in the same sentence?  That’s like combining “Lindsay Lohan” and “sober.”  It doesn’t work.

- Why does Sullivan think that people need to be lucky to copyright their creative work?  It’s a legal process, not a Scratch ‘n Win.

- How do you pass down a song to your kids?  Do you sing it into their ear when they sleep?  Do you hum it while you feed them? How can Sullivan afford kids anyhow?

Gingrich has not made an official statement regarding the matter, but it’s likely the quote would be something along the lines of “What does this deadbeet want?  No, I’ll never stop using that song, it’s about my eyes.  He’s suing?  Ok fine, we’ll just use Space Cowboy instead.”