The National Hockey League has returned to regular season action. As a public service, Bite Daily has compiled a list of fun facts and fact fun concerning all the thirty teams, plus twelve invisible fun facts about the NHL’s twelve invisible franchises. (Note: The invisible facts are only visible to Bite readers that have the special invisibility specs. Consult your MP for more information.)
Anaheim Ducks: In tribute to their Disney movie namesake, the Anaheim Ducks (formerly the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim) attempted a “Flying V” during a regular season tilt with the Los Angeles Kings in 1998. All six Ducks players on the ice were treated for concussions promptly afterward at Orange County General Hospital.
Boston Bruins: As is customary of all Stanley Cup champions, the members of the Boston Bruins have signed a non-disclosure agreement promising not to reveal that the Cup is made primarily out of uranium.
Buffalo Sabres: The role of “captain” for the Buffalo Sabres is held in high esteem. Not just because of the lineage of the captaincy, but also because team captains get the responsibility of grooming coach Lindy Ruff’s facial stubble.
Calgary Flames: The Calgary Flames are strong advocates for fire safety in the community.
Carolina Hurricanes: One of the perks of buying the 2011/2012 Carolina Hurricanes media guide is a listing of which Hurricanes players are currently being investigated by the United Nations for war crimes. In related news, defenseman Joni Pitkanen is quite the rascal.
Chicago Blackhawks: Right now, team captain Jonathan Toews is quietly realizing that “Blackhawks” sounds a bit like “black cocks” when said aloud. He’s unsure how this makes him feel.
Colorado Avalanche: The recent poor play of the club can be traced back to the poor quality of orange slices provided between periods by forward Brandon Yip’s mom.
Columbus Blue Jackets: Columbus’s hockey club was created in 2000 solely for the purpose of being an elaborate performance art project. All the players on the team are getting course credit in Ohio State’s fine arts program as a result.
Dallas Stars: Like a lot of NHL franchises, the Dallas Stars have a group of female cheerleaders that support the club through cheering, short skirts and occasional on-ice duties. The original idea of the “Ice Girls” is said to have originated from a vivid night terror that Betty Friedan once experienced.
Detroit Red Wings: CBC play-by-play announcer Bob Cole often pronounces Detroit in a manner that sounds like “Dee-troy-yuht”. This is neither a fact nor particularly fun. It’s more of a troubling curio.
Edmonton Oilers: Shh! Don’t make a sound. Ryan Smyth is standing right behind you. Just pretend he’s not there and you’ll be safe. For your own safety, do not peek behind you.
Florida Panthers: During the team’s surprise Stanley Cup Finals run in 1996, the Panthers agreed to only communicate with each other using a series of meows and pantheresque swipes. Scott Mellanby would often unwind after games by batting around a ball of yarn and snorting lines of cat nip.
Los Angeles Kings: One of the conditions of Wayne Gretzky’s trade from Edmonton to Los Angeles included a clause that no one in the organization invite Wayne’s brother Brent to any surprise birthday party. The violation of this clause led to Wayne being traded to St. Louis and Brent stealing Kelly Hrudey’s lucky bandana.
Minnesota Wild: In 2004, the Minnesota Wild became the first NHL franchise to replace numbers on the back of the jerseys with No Fear t-shirt slogans.
Montreal Canadiens: As you likely know from Canadian Heritage Moments, the Montreal Canadiens are named after Quebec nationalist military leader Guillaume Canadien.
Nashville Predators: Starting goaltender Pekka Rinne’s mask is made entirely out of candyfloss. He would rather if you didn’t draw attention to it.
New Jersey Devils: According to Garden State folklore, the Jersey Devil is a hooved creature that terrorizes residents with its grotesque appearance, terrifying shrieks and resilience to human weaponry. It should be noted that the fourth season where these creatures go to Italy was a total disappointment.
New York Islanders: Club morale has dropped dramatically upon the realization that players have been paid in a made up currency called ”Islander Dollars”.
New York Rangers: Contrary to the team’s press releases, the hockey club does not have the law enforcement power of the Texas Rangers. It turns out Brad Richards just likes sticking a gun in people’s faces.
Ottawa Senators: As a team building exercise, the Ottawa Senators kick off every season by communicating with dead Canadian Prime Ministers. Ron Tugnutt and Robert Borden remain good friends.
Philadelphia Flyers: Sources close to the team say that first round pick Sean Courturier is only a fourth round caliber cuddler.
Phoenix Coyotes: Since 2008, the Phoenix Coyotes have been owned by a literal pack of coyotes. The club managed to experience some on-ice success, but in-stands mauling rose by a dramatic 24%. This level of wild animal attacks was the highest since the club relocated from Winnipeg.
Pittsburgh Penguins: After Sidney Crosby suffered his second concussion, he gained “Dead Zone” powers. That’s why he’s reluctant to return to action.
St. Louis Blues: In an effort to get their players more in tune with their team name, the club spent thousands of dollars to make each players get more in touch with the blues. After a quick Google search of blues musicians, the players were all given diabetes in an effort to channel the spirit of B.B. King. This has had a negative impact on the teams performance but has boosted the city’s struggling arena-based insulin industry.
San Jose Sharks: Sharks coach Todd McLellan covers his office door with “Hark! A Vagrant” comics to show that he’s a “cool coach”. It works because Kate Beaton is pretty darn cool.
Tampa Bay Lightning: Tampa Bay’s mascot is a lightning bug named “ThunderBug”. The club is currently embroiled in a lawsuit related to an unwanted pollination incident involving ThunderBug and former star Brian Bradley.
Toronto Maple Leafs: In 2008, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment funded the release of The Love Guru as a measure to further crush the spirits of their fanbase.
Vancouver Canucks: The majority of the riots that occurred in Vancouver following Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals were actually over the decision not to have a 2011 edition of Lilith Fair. The media’s pro Natalie Merchant bias is cited for the lack of coverage of this element of the rioting.
Washington Capitals: Alexander Ovechkin is from Red Deer, Alberta. He has a unique speech impediment that leads to people mistaking him for being Russian. Ovechkin plays for Russia in international events because he’s too shy to point out the administrative error.
Winnipeg Jets: In exchange for the return of their hockey club, the city of Winnipeg was asked to “tone it down a bit” on the murders. The hope is that the number of vicious bludgeoning deaths will be reduced to 120 over the course of the 2011/2012 NHL season.
