Top Ten Useless Apps

July 12th, 2010

Epic Win, a new “playful productivity” app for your iPhone and iPad, is coming soon. It’s an RPG where instead of embarking on a long quest and fighting monsters, your character levels up by completing chores off of your to-do list. For example, if you take out the trash, you gain experience points. Each chore is essentially a quest, and as you complete and progress through your list, you uncover rare treasures which you can then show off to your Facebook and Twitter buddies. Here’s the trailer:

But do people really need this app to encourage themselves to do housework? Well, if the WiiFit was invented to get gamers to exercise, then I suppose a game to get them to do chores is inevitable. So, let’s take a look at some USELESS apps. Download ’em if you dare.

10. Get Glue

Get Glue allows you to rate and review movies, music, books, and games, and then you get suggestions based on your choices. You earn points and get rewarded with stickers (which are like achievements on the X-Box 360). But it’s not like you can really do anything with them. And with Facebook and Twitter, do we really need another social networking tool?

9. Gummie Mug

With Gummie Mug, you can take the photos saved on your iPhone and manipulate them. However, the only two options it gives you is to “smush” and “stretch” the picture. Maybe take some photos of your enemies and play with their faces? Otherwise, there’s plenty other time-wasting apps out there.

8. Volume Calculator

Have you ever wondered what the surface area of a paraboloid is? Well, now you can find out with just the touch of an app. It’s perfect for cheating on your math tests with.

7. Paper Toss

If you love tossing out paper, but feel guilty about all the trees, then just download this app. You can toss paper all day, from any location. Because heaven forbid you should do anything useful.

6. iShotty

Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s not cool to play with guns? Well, playing with fake guns is just embarrassing. Sure, it might seem cool at first to shake your iPhone and hear a gun sound, until it accidentally goes off in an airport. Security check fail.

5. iHandy Coin Flip

For those moments where you have to make a tough decision, just flip a coin. What’s that? You don’t have one? Well, download this app and flip your favorite coin, from looneys to euros. What’s that? You don’t have an iPhone? Now how will you ever decide? I guess we’ll never know.

4. Cooking Star

I realize the cooking aspect is just a gimmick for the mini-games included with this app, but I think I’d rather make real food so my stomach can enjoy the results of my hard work, instead of developing carpal tunnel from waggling my iPhone around.

3. Chore Hero

Chore Hero allows you to organize chores and assign them to different members of your family (or roommates). There is a point system that allows you to keep track of who is the better worker in your household. But why does this even need to be on an iPhone? Growing up, we had chore point systems that were done using graph paper and pencils. So save your megabytes for something else.

2. Notify Me 2

Another chore list type application, Notify Me 2 allows you to organize your to-do list and keep track of what you have to get done.  I’ll admit it does sound useful, but with a price tag of $5.99?  Once again, I could make my own list, with a pad of paper, for free.

1. Type n Talk

Remember how much fun speak and spell was when you were a kid? Ever get real lonely and wish you had a robot friend? Well now you can, with new Type n Talk. Just put in a phrase, and Type n Talk reads it back to you in a robotic voice. Hilariousness ensues. But if you really want robot voices in your life that badly, why not just listen to Styx?