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10 Possible Russian Spies

by Geoffrey May

July 14th, 2010

Now that Russian spies have started coming out into the public eye, the world seems shocked and horrified. Didn’t this type of thing die with the Cold War? Joan Rivers isn’t surprised at all.So who could be a Russian spy living among us?

10. Oksana Grigorieva

Mel Gibson’s ex-girlfriend is more than qualified to be a Russian spy, seeing as she is actually Russian. But what arouses more suspicion is rumors surrounding the fact that she may have leaked Gibson’s abusive tirade to the press in order to extort money from him. Though Mel deserved it, it does show that Oksana may be capable of deceit and other tricks of the spy trade.

9. Heidi Montag

Why did she get all that plastic surgery done? Perhaps she wants to make herself more attractive so she can seduce Governors and steal State secrets. Or perhaps she’s hoping to develop some sort of shape-shifting abilities, like Clayface, so she can sneak into restricted Government areas.

8. Keanu Reeves

Formally The One, Keanu manages to maintain a cool, calm, and collected demeanor in the public eye. But what’s going on behind that mysterious exterior? Could he be a sleeper agent, waiting for some secret code word that activates his killing instinct?

7. Harrison Ford

He’s been a space smuggler and an adventurer, among other things. His mother is Russian, and he was in K-19: The Widowmaker. So it is possible, with his background and the amount of training he’s had on set, that he would be approached by the Russian Government to steal information for them.

6. Hilary Duff

Could her roll as Yonica in War, Inc. be a little too suggestive? That she’s a Russian spy I mean. How can we be sure she’s not throwing her voice when shes in interviews, and when she was on Lizzie Mcguire, to hide her true accent?

5. A. A. Milne

The author of the beloved series Winnie-the-Pooh gave us characters that we cherish and love. But then how did Russia get a hold of the rights to use him in their own film? Perhaps it’s filled with anti-American propaganda to warp the minds of youth.

4. Tom Selleck

What’s he hiding behind that mischievous mustache? Did he grow it to hide his true identity as a Russian secret agent? He has served in the 160th Infantry of the Californian Army National Guard, but perhaps he was just keeping his enemies close.

3. Amanda Bynes

Her ancestors were of Russian ancestry, and the starlet announced recently on Twitter that she is retiring from acting at the young age of 24. Could it be to pursue a career as a Russian spy?

2. Jessica Rabbit

There’s something mischievous behind this red head. Whether it’s hair that covers half her face, her luscious red lips, or the fact that she married a rabbit, Jessica is the ideal femme fatale. She claims she’s not bad, just drawn that way, but Mrs. Rabbit has proven that she’s capable of deceit and lies when she had an affair with Marvin Acme to protect her husband.

1. Leonard Nimoy

Trained in the art of the Vulcan Death Pinch, Nimoy could possibly be the leader of all Russian spies hiding out in Hollywood, maybe even the entire United States, as he has a very commanding presence. His work in science fiction entertainment grants him some knowledge of the solar system, and what nerd working at NASA wouldn’t want to meet Mr. Spock in exchange for secret information?