What? One would think that being called hipster would be embarrassing enough, but rather, the hipster wants you to see them from afar.
Why? It would be really confusing to go to a Girls concert and see everyone wearing khakis, spiked hair and J. Crew shirts. I mean, ironically, works perfect, but that’s too costly. At the same time, yuppies wouldn’t have a shot with drunken hipsters and you gotta always bet that after three am, the gloves are off.
Where? Because hipsters use plaid as a flag, and in case there is a hipster virus, you can see them using it everywhere really. You might confuse them with lumberjacks or grunges that time traveled to 2010, but most likely, there’s some hipsterism impregnated in that shirt. Or it might just be the stench inherit when said hipster bought his shirt at the nearest Salvation Army. Seriously, where did the grunge go?
When? According to a survey (that I made up for this column), hipsters started using plaid as a label at the exact moment that Foo Fighters was founded, which at the same time put an end to the Seattle grunge people. “The Seattle grunge people are easily startled, but they will soon be back, and in greater numbers.”
– Obi Wan Kenobi. Well, guess what, Obi? They didn’t, instead, the hipster rose. Seriously, man, WHERE DID THE GRUNGE GO?
Who? Because it’s easy to assume (even though one should never do it) that every single person wearing plaid is a hipster, it’s hard to filter out the ones who are not. However, if you feel like concentrating your hatred towards them, you shouldn’t feel ashamed, after all, plaid is not exactly something that you should be wearing all the fucking time. Do you think the grunge was killed by the late 90′s Ice Age?
How? According to Wikipedia this is how you make your plaid “…is made with alternating bands of coloured (pre-dyed) threads woven as both warp and weft at right angles to each other. The weft is woven in a simple twill, two over – two under the warp, advancing one thread each pass. This forms visible diagonal lines where different colours cross, which give the appearance of new colours blended from the original ones. The resulting blocks of colour repeat vertically and horizontally in a distinctive pattern of squares and lines known as a sett.”
Right. But the thing is, this is actually the way of the Scottish to make their tartan, which is not something that should be associated with hipsters, I mean, when we talk about Highlander you don’t think about hipsters, yeah? In fact, now that I’m thinking about it, hipsters would love to live by the Highlander rule: There can be only one… person that knows this band.
Hipsterity: 3 out of 5 McLeods.